When you're on the verge of giving up...On Dating

I hear you. You feel like you are going to explode if one more person tells you 1) It will happen when you least expect it 2) Just put yourself out there or 3) you do YOU.

I AM doing me… I’m working on myself, getting financially stable, strengthening my core, getting emotionally strong but I want someone. Let me tell you that there’s nothing wrong with wanting someone to share your life with and being on the hunt for that. So you know what you want and are being the best version of yourself. It can feel completely frustrating if you keep going out on dates only to be disappointed time after time. You may even merge all those bad dates together and say, “I’m never going to meet anyone.” Let me remind you of a few things before you give up on dating completely.

1. Look at the Numbers: You don’t need 20 dates to go well. All you need is one date to go well to help you realize that good dates are possible. That there is nothing intrinsically wrong with you.

2. Don’t dwell on the past dates and relationships: Garth Brooks once sang, “Some of God’s greatest gifts are unanswered prayers.” Your past relationships did not work out and for all you know this could have been a blessing. They may have completely betrayed your trust, broken your heart or worse. Take the lesson you learned from them and move forward. Don’t spend your energy trying to figure out why it didn’t work out.

3. Don’t personalize: It is so hard not to personalize bad dates. “Bad dates” are not a reflection of you. How is it your fault if someone is immature, doesn’t have their life together, was never taught common courtesy, etc. The list can keep going. You are looking for someone that is on the same level as you. If they don’t measure up it isn’t because of you or anything you have done.

4. Make Good Use of your Time: Your time is valuable. You’re not 21 anymore. As you go into your 30’s and 40’s your time is more valuable. Most of you work full time and squeeze dating in when you can. Before you go out with someone ask them what they are looking for. If you are looking for a relationship and they are looking for a casual encounter there is no point in meeting up. Save your time for someone that is looking for what you are.

5. Priorities and Options: So you meet someone that you connect with and you really like. However, they don’t seem to make an effort to see you and talk to you consistently. They are NOT your priority. You don’t have to drop them completely but treat them exactly as they are treating you…As an OPTION. NOT A PRIORITY. Time is precious, don’t waste it.

6. Know your worth: Let’s face it. You could have been married by now if you just settled. If you pushed your morals, values and needs out the window. Would it be worth it? Just to say you are married. Believe me when I say that you’ve saved yourself a lot of heartache and sadness by not settling for less then you deserve.

7. Grass is greener: Don’t be fooled by the Facebook anniversary and birthday posts.

8. Marriage does NOT equal happiness. I know so many married people that are in a unhappy and loveless marriage. But on Facebook you would never know. People that are single can be happy, independent and successful.

9. Get out of your PJ’s: Sure, we are all comfortable at home. Catching up on our favorite shows and binge watching with ice cream. Remember, you are not going to meet anyone from the comfort of your own home. Make a conscious effort to schedule a date per week or every other week to get yourself out there. Go work from a local coffee shop or eat a meal on your own. Try to engage others in conversations while you are out, especially if you find them intriguing!

10. Understand how you are coming across to your dates. Are you bringing positive energy and a fresh attitude? Or are you bringing the energy of all the bad dates. I’m not saying you have to entertain your date but make sure you are interesting. I recommend participating in hobbies, activities or events. Go on trips or go to concerts. These are all things that you can talk about on the date. I will write a post on how to be a great dater at a later time.

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